Indy, Eat Shit and Die is a colorful food review blog that has been a passion project of mine for some time. It won't be something that is updated often, unless you are completed enthralled by my reviews. I feel like the food reviewing in our fair town is weak. We are too codamn nice. God forbid we tell someone that their establishment is completely cliche and the food is sub par. A lot of times it is. The other thing I noticed is when an establishment does get a poor review it still gets three out of five stars. In school that is a D, but in people's eyes that means it is an okay place. If Rolling Stones gives a band a three star review you still might buy the album. Same deal with a food review. My first victim is the oddly acclaimed Pizzology (13190 Hazel Dell Pkwy) that is in my least favorite town in Indianapolis..... fucking Carmel. Carmel has a couple spots that I enjoy eating. Kona Grill being one of them. When I heard the fuss about another pizza joint that I just had to try I was super annoyed. Why? Because these fusion pizza joints are everywhere. Broad Ripple has 8-10 pizza places. Carmel has more. Most of them suck. They fucking suck. They are too expensive, the serving size is too small, and the pizza is mediocre. When I spend $60.00 at a pizza place in makes me furious. That was exactly the experience I had at Pizzology...both codamn times. We started off with Crispy Polenta w/ a tomato aioli. I love aioli. Hate mayonnaise, but love aioli. The polenta was bad, tasted stale. You hope it would be salvaged by the tomato aioli and it wasn't. Aioli tasted watered down. I wasn't feeling too shitty about the app because I had a bowl of tomato soup coming. Lukewarm and oily. Oh, by the way. The inside of the place looks fine. I wasn't blown away by the ambience but they did a fair job making the place look hip. Hate the fucking name. Anyway, we ordered the Carni. House made Porchetta, Mortadella & Pepperoni. It was okay. That was it, and the price including my wife's wine and my soda was around $50.00 or so. This is when my review is going to cut some throats. $50.00 is a shit ton of money for a mediocre fancy wannabe meal. I have the tip the fucker $10.00 for serving us and then I'm out $60.00. The leftovers I left there, because I won't eat it later and I walk out unhappy. So this is my review. I won't eat there if I can avoid it. Because my goal when I go out to eat is to spend as little as possible but have an amazing experience. ESPECIALLY AT A MOTHAFUCKIN PIZZA JOINT! This is my first stab at this, hope you were entertained and can appreciate my candor. I look forward to destroying some other local establishments that I think are completely disgusting. If you have any suggestions for some places that haven't been given their due review let me know. I leave you with this... Indy, Eat Shit and Die.
